Concern for partner with DID starting ECT

Hey @TeaPositive  hun,

I hear your concerns and how much you worry for your partner. 

Please remember your own self care. 

Being a carer doesn't mean you are perfect, but it means you need to be well enough to support them. 

Also, just 'say', ECT doesn't work for DID, is it harmful that it's been tried? I don't have an answer, and hence I'm asking.

Look after yourself!

Sending you best wishes @TeaPositive . Your anxiety and uncertainty are understandable.  It sounds like a very big change in your partner's treatment and perhaps in his diagnosis too, and investing trust in a new psychiatrist takes time. Do you have personal and professional supports yourself?

I have no experience with DID but do what I can to support someone with complex medical, mental health and neurological needs at a distance. I had a course of ECT myself at one stage, as an inpatient. I think it's unusual to offer it as an outpatient service  because people need support and recovery time. I've heard there can be some memory loss  - i wonder if that might compound aspects of the DID.

A lot of medication changes concurrently with ECT mean it might take  several weeks to assess how your partner is responding. If he's comfortable and well looked after, please feel reassured that that might be the best you can hope for at this stage. 

Do you have a good relationship with his new psychiatrist? Can you mention your concerns? Privacy and confidentiality concerns could limit what they'll discuss but it would be good if they're approachable and sympathetic. 

Please know that you're not alone, and that everything you're feeling is valid. Take care of yourself as best you can, and continue reaching out here and elsewhere - and don't be afraid to advocate for your partner if you feel you need to. If you don't ask questions, you might not get the answers you need.

@TeaPositive Hi sorry to hear this situation is freaking you out.

As someone who has had ECT treatment done, and although at that time i did not realise it i had DID, later this became also clear. Nevertheless ECT must have been the best medical treatment i have received fighting my mental illness. At the time i was plagued by darkest depression, and had been for years, just the memories of that suffering alone were like dark storm clouds on my horizon, and then ECT treatment started.

After the full usual number of ECT sessions the depression had lifted so much that my psychiatrist added another 1/2 of that many session to it. To see if even more benefit could be had.

Personally i reckon the biggest thing helping to lift the depression at the time was the loss of my memory. A loss of memory which became so bad, that i could not remember how many children i had. However although at the time i hated this from happening, the good part of the memory loss was that memory recall could not plague me any longer for many months, like it had done for years, and my mind could finally break free from the horror that had me in its grip, and had kept me down for so long.

So although i fully understand the fear and the uncertainty that surrounds ECT treatment, i also suffered from that greatly before the treatment started, ECT ended up being really good for me at the time. And if the need ever arose again for me to have it, i would without a doubt do it again.

I did take a long time for my memory to come fully back online after the ECT treatment, but the depression has never been able to drag me down that low again, and i could finally begin to move on from where life had dumped me at the time.

So in retrospect this loss of memory was wonderful and very peaceful, much more than troublesome. For i could finally move beyond the depression and begin to analysis the underlaying issues that needed to be addressed for me to to move on where i had been stuck for years. In my pit light years down deep.

Not sure why ECT treatment would be bad for people suffering from DID, but i know know that ECT can be really good treatment for someone suffering from it.

Peace.

hello @TeaPositive 

sending you lots of hugs my friend and seeing how you are going today 

sitting with you and having a cup of coffee with you 

@DownMoreThanUp , @Dimity . @tyme 

Thank you @Dimity for your gentle words.

@DownMoreThanUp thank you for sharing your thoughts and experience. I was very caught up in my own head yesterday, so reading this today helped me understand how ECT and other various treatments can be one of the things that helps shift the darkest depression someone might be experiencing. I can now see that a lot of my fear isn't around ECT per se, even though there is a stigma attached from the olden days, rather it has been the lack of communication and collaboration between the psychiatrist, psychologist and myself (as my partner's support interstate).

@TeaPositive Good hearing back from you.  My wife and me understand a lot of what you say and must be going through right now. You feel estranged, cut of, misunderstood, also often from each other. You may well be at a loss how to improve things, or if things will improve. Yet you so desperately want change fro good for you are at your end emotional. And while big time in need of love, recognition, acceptance, support and sympathy yourselves.

Such were hardest times ever in our lives, and my heart goes out to you struggling there. i know it is really important to receive good support.And luckily there is uch more of it around then in our hay day.

i know me, nor my wife, at the time ever did.

My wife faced enough silly questions. Like why did you marry him? Or why are you still with him? Or why do you love someone like him? At times even making her feeling like she was doing wrong supporting me the way she did, rather than support her loving me and standing by me. Often times her opinions and insights were ignored as irrelevant, while she understood me better than anyone.

i know there are a lot of good people here. Also post are moderated which makes it a big step safer to communicate, although not foolproof of course.

i have met some wonderful supportive people here and encourage you to seek those out in your life as well. This is not something you can do on your own.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzq2xjJEDuw&list=RDzzq2xjJEDuw&start_radio=1

While reading your message I related to a lot of the parts you wrote about @DownMoreThanUp. A big part of my experience right now is feeling cut out and misunderstood from my partner. At the same time I agree that we both need love, recognition, acceptance, support and sympathy from each other and for ourselves.

It is sad to hear how your wife endured those questions that left her feeling like she was doing wrong supporting you the way she did. 

Good morning@Dimity and @DownMoreThanUp 

Thank you again for your supportive replies and sharing your own experiences. I wonder if either or both of you may be willing and/or able to share what you found helpful from t others (e.g. friends, family, support workers) after your ECT treatment sessions, and also anything that I should be aware/prepare myself for? I have read some helpful articles and watched some short explanatory videos, and what I am seeking is to prepare myself for "worse-case" side-effects and symptoms when I pick my partner up after the treatment sessions. 

@TeaPositive Not sure if my wife could or is willing to answer through my acount, but i can certainly ask her, and give you her answers if you like

As for myself.

i was very deeply depressed before i started depression, so i do not know where your partner is with regards to this. Also i was unaware of my DID situation which could make things confusing for your husband switching between after the event. For massive changes occur each time the lightening strikes in our alters. But of course at first the effects are only visible in the alter we get the treatment in.

So your partner should be prepared for sense of loss, or liberation, it could go both ways, depending what his alters are like i suppose. Confusion? Not too bad for me i could not remember anything. My life was like i left a black part, my past life, behind and walked on in the light leaving life like that behind forever more. However this had also a lot to do with my spiritual awakening at the time. (It was hard letting go having to let go at times.)

Plus i felt better after EACH session, so VERY much better. It truly was awesome treatment, though i had freaked every session, but only before never after. Otherwise it was a very professional group of people dealing with me. Did an excelent job at the time. i felt well cared for. It was a day treatment plan. Early morning treatment.

In retrospect the scale of the improvement in my mood after ECT, had MUCH more to do with going of medications, before the treatment began, and which had kept me so VERY low at the time without me knowing that. Not saying ECT did not have any other benefit, i know for sure it did, but only pointing out that your partner might not have such a BIG change depression wise i did.

Peace.

(i will have a talk with my wife after and ask if she can remember anything that stands out from that time that might benefit you two. (it is 20 years ago so we are a bit hazy on it.😀))

Just talk to my wife and she recalls much more than me about this time. She told me much more help and support had been needed for me coming out of the treatment sessions in particular. How frustrating it was i could not remember anything, for me as well as everyone else. How much more support for us as a family was needed but was not there. And how depressed i had still often been, even though so much better at other times. In other words ECT by itself will not help much if you and your partner do not move away from the situation that demanded this to be. 

i have also been thinking about what you said about your partner wanting more responsibility, take this VERY serious, simply walk beside him doing it and support him when he is learning to do that. Be his encouragement when he needs it, and his conscience when he forgets to use it. Love is a blanket covering much wrongs, they say. Sure true done right.

Ask yourself these questions. Has your partner full knowledge of what might come? Has your partner a therapist he trusts, and has the REPUTATION to prove s/he knows what's going? If you have strong bond of love together you will come out of it better than you went in otherwise it could cause more serious shake ups to happen if alter changes are not dealt with wisely.

Only when professional work was done did i receive good treatment at the time, our real needs were completely overlooked. Often by ourselves as well.

Hi @TeaPositive it's good your partner is at the stage you're planning ahead for discharge. 

Like @DownMoreThanUp my ECT was a very long time ago. As I remember I felt numb, disoriented and very much alone. Noone, family or medical or mental health people acknowledged what had happened or let me know they cared or would support me. I lived alone and when I returned to work they told me I should have taken my hospital stay as recreation leave not sick leave. 

It's wonderful you're wanting to support your partner. Letting them know you care, while recognising it will take time to adjust both to whatever precipitated the need for care as well as the treatment itself, are important I think. And having a care plan where your partner has been discharged to the ongoing care of either a gp or mental health service or mh practitioner is also important.  If they're on new meds establishing habits and reminders can help, eg I use a multicompartment pill box as a visual reminder of whether I've taken meds, and I also set up reminders on my phone. There's also the question of whether,  or how much, to tell family and friends. And it sounds as though you might have recently moved from interstate.  It would be a good time to suss out local facilities and services, from libraries to coffee shops to gyms to sporting clubs to parks etc etc. Not so much to join immediately but to know what's out there to give you a sense of community. 

Hey @Dimity - my partner got discharged yesterday and will be starting ECT once a week at the end of this week. The feedback from you and @DownMoreThanUp about your experiences has been so useful for both myself and my partner. We spent a little time today briefly chatting about his needs.

I felt sadness and the want to have been able to give you a "hug" when I read your words of feeling numb, disoriented and very much alone. Although I am feeling scared I want to try and be present for my partner as he goes through this. I made the decision to take a day off work so I can drive him to and from ECT rather than getting a support worker for him.

It's happening on Friday so I may or may not pop in here to give you all an update 🤣

Excellent news @TeaPositive . Interesting the ECT will be weekly. I think I had it 3 times a week for 4 weeks.

Thanks for the hug, I was very touched.

Good luck with it all.

Good morning@Dimity and @DownMoreThanUp - just wanted to let you both know that my partner decided not to go ahead with today's ECT. In the end a conversation with his therapist facilitated one of his parts/alters to speak, and the answer was a "no" to ECT at the moment so now we wait and see how he stabilizes at home. In other news someone else mentioned 'Rapid TMS' to us, which we will be both researching.

Thank you for the support 💚

@TeaPositive  i have heard from my sister that this treatment is also really good. Both her husband and son work with mentally ill people, and she herself has fast experience working with trauma survivors, (children) but i have no experience with the treatments itself.

Wishing that much healing is coming your way for both you and your husband.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmMOMK5c4EY&list=RDtmMOMK5c4EY&start_radio=1