My father nuked our family and I'm struggling

Hey @ExhsustedHollow,  

A warm welcome and thanks for sharing your experiences with the community! 

Sounds like you are struggling with your father's mental health situation as his condition has significantly affected the family. It takes courage to share your experiences with the community, and you are being really brave reaching out to your peers.  

I'm sure that the community will have some insights to share with you soon! 

Take care 

@ExhsustedHollow  hi i can only guess your fathers mental illness. it having delusions as a part of it you should never challenge someone by telling them their delusions are not real.  he wont believe you in any case. is your father on medications for his mental illness? does he have a good therapist? maybe his meds need to be looked at.

as someone who has delusions as a part of her mental illness i can guarantee that once your fathers mental illness is under control the delusions should stop.

Thank you for replying.

No he is not medicated, nor does he believes he is having delusions or mentally unwell. May I ask how you came to accept that some of your thoughts were not real and accepted treatment 

What are the delusions if you don't mind me asking 

Infidelity and child abuse against multiple people 

Thank you so much for replying and sharing your story. My biggest question is how can we get him treatment when he refuses and does not believe that he is wrong. This is the hardest part.

He also sees himself as the victim and takes no responsibility for what he's done. I don't know how to even look at him given what he has said and I just can't bare for him to be in contact with my kids. I know he's not well but I'm not sure how to proceed with....life after this

@ExhsustedHollow   when my life fell apart completely and i was put in a mental health clinic for a month.  before then i thought i was well and that all my delusions were real.  for examle there were microphones in the house because i was hearing voices.

Perhaps check out this TedTalk by Dr Xavier Amador (https://youtu.be/NXxytf6kfPM?si=zaKZlH4L9JSFuAzp) about a symptom called anasognosia (the inability by a person to recognise that they have an illness; not denial), as well as the LEAP institute which teaches about how to talk with someone with anasognosia and how to help them accept treatment. I acknowledge it's not a simple problem but learning about this gave me immense hope. 

Dr Amador's book "I'm not sick! I don't need help" expands on this idea....it's an easy read and again very helpful. I so feel your heartache...it's dreadful:(

I went through this with my husband, we were married over 60 years. What I could not understand is that many people believed what he said, because he believed it, and as they told me , he was so charming. Some would not accept the diagnosis he had, and if his medications were correct the delusions went, but I could not understand that even medical people thought that the medication could be reduced, that he was cured. So we were on o merry go round for years.

My problem now, though he has passed on, they still remember that I was perceived to have the problem.  I will look into the new info mentioned, lets hope I have the right skills, things keep changing online.