Constant flashbacks

@creative_writer 

Yes

I'm currently working with Somatic Therapy approaches. Like in this book:

https://www.amazon.com.au/Waking-Tiger-Peter-Levine/dp/155643233X/ref=asc_df_155643233X?mcid=ef1891bd59ad309194c431f6503175d6&tag=googleshopdsk-22&linkCode=df0&hvadid=712274881138&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12109528629263682821&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9071255&hvtargid=pla-436402731263&psc=1&hvocijid=12109528629263682821-155643233X-&hvexpln=0&gad_source=1

Hi @creative_writer ,

Thank you for sharing so openly about this process - it sounds incredibly intense and emotionally exhausting, especially when the flashbacks are strong are hard to regulate. It makes sense that you are feeling "shattered" at the moment. I want to gently remind you that this doesn't mean that what you are doing isn't working. I also wish to commend your ongoing courage and resilience as it's really positive that you're working with your psychologist and exploring approaches that can best support your recovery.

You're not alone in this and you may consider connecting with someone you trust in this moment. Feel free to also share some grounding exercises that have helped calm your nervous system in the past, or let the community know how they can best support you, within the bounds of the Forums. 

Thinking of you💛

~ @Honeymoon 

It sounds like you've been super thoughtful in finding grounding strategies that work for you @creative_writer , especially with sensory supports - I love that you know your limits with exercise and the things that best help regulate you.

I am glad to hear that you are staying connected with your team regularly and thank you for clarifying safety also.

We're here with you - and I hope your nervous system has more moments of ease soon💛

~ @Honeymoon 

Hey @creative_writer 

Yeah sounds very possible, like you're rattled about it all becoming very 'real' by having to talk about it? I know the feeling. When's the appt? 

Maybe you could talk a bit about how you've felt judged in the past, as a way of sort of pointing out that this is a delicate topic for you @creative_writer? Could also help to reflect on what support might look like - i.e. if the appointment unfolded in an ideal way, what would you want the outcome to be? 

@creative_writer definitely things you can highlight at the beginning. Especially if you are more looking for a safe space, vs looking for suggestions or solutions. Or maybe you do want to put together some sort of plan, but maybe you need to feel held and heard first. 

Whatever unfolds, I hope it's what you're needing 🤞💜

@creative_writer it sounds like you feel like you're going to be in control and that you're making this choice for the right reasons for your needs. I hope you're proud of yourself for doing so even through the shame 💜

I'm hoping the cry from this morning helped you to release some stuff. And that you're heading into (or already in) dreamland about now 😊

Hugs ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

I'm glad you got through the appt okay @creative_writer and I hope you got to discuss your spiritual concerns with your psych this arvo 💜

@creative_writer Someone who shares your spirituality who can hold that space for you could certainly be beneficial. Definitely worth considering, especially if you are focusing on the emotional impact rather than the details. 

Hope today has been easier on you 💜

Always worth a try @creative_writer if it feels right for you to reach out to this person 💜

I always struggled with pass/fail because like... what are the parameters? How much effort do I truly need to put in? 

I hope you are able to tidy it up and finalise it without getting too bogged down in the details. Especially if it's been triggering - that would be pretty taxing. How long till you're on break? 

@creative_writer I'm glad that for you it means a bit of relief and the ability to step back/not push too hard 😊

'Lots to catch up on' before the break or during? What are you wanting to do with your time off? 

@creative_writer I hope you manage to catch up with some time to spare - being able to rest, do nothing, and not have that background feeling of assignments looming over you does do wonders.

I'm glad you and your psych are working towards building those kinds of skills, cos you're right - it's not really possible to avoid triggers altogether. I think one could make the argument that getting triggered is an important part of recovery, because you are slowly able to show your nervous system that you are actually safe from the initial trauma - bit by bit.

Not saying to go out and look for triggers or expose yourself on purpose of course! But with support, gentleness, and a safe space to process, hopefully you will begin to feel differences in how things impact you. 

@creative_writer has the thought of deferring for a semester ever come up for you? Would be plenty of time for resting, snuggling, healing, all that stuff. Just a thought, I know for some the idea of prolonging studies can be more stressful than pushing through. But hey, could create a window for EMDR or other more intensive therapy stuff. 

Glad there was no questions asked about requesting the exemption! It sounds like you're taking a proactive approach and ensuring you're supported along the way 💜 

@creative_writer mid-year break is only a few weeks right? Is that enough time to stabilise? Genuine question, cos hey maybe you've done it before in as much time 😊

Hope your weekend has been restful, playful, or in some way fulfilling 💜

Aww @creative_writer yes hopefully some food in your tummy helps things settle. Hope you are able to get some rest and chill time hun 💜

@creative_writer crying is one of those things that can leave us physically soooo depleted and fragile, even if emotionally we feel lighter. I'm glad you decided to put your need for rest first and not go out for dinner 💜

Oooh savoury muffins, delish!! Sounds like a good plan hun. 

I hope the inquiry proves fruitful and that you find a new path forward hun 🤞

Take it slow and be gentle with your wonderful self @creative_writer. Hope you can get some decent rest - and a clear nostril too!! 💜

@creative_writer taking a break from the studying for a day or two is definitely something worth doing when one is feeling burnt out hey! 

How have you been going, were the muffins tasty? 

@creative_writer aye it can be hard to completely 'switch off' when we know we have so much to do. 

I gotta get onto the savoury muffin train!! It's hard to find savoury snacks that aren't unhealthy. 

Oh hun, I'm sorry to hear that. It makes sense that this loss has also reminded you of your other grandmother, and how much you miss her. I hope you are taking things slowly and gently 💜

@creative_writer yeah it makes sense, but doesn't necessarily make it any easier hey. Have you thought about chatting to Griefline at all? Even if you don't think you need it, it may still help 💜

How's your family been coping, are you all kinda able to support one another? 

So valid @creative_writer one day at a time I think is the way to go. When you're ready, I reckon you'll feel it 💜

How did you feel when you noticed the change of expression @creative_writer? 

Glad you are feeling more stable - good time for goal-setting and decision-making, when our prefrontal lobes are a bit more online 😉

@creative_writer I'm glad it was a validating moment for you hun. 

Yeah you've spoken about the complexities of your familial relationships. Those moments when we realise our values don't necessarily align with those of our parents can be pretty jarring, and definitely takes time to process. And then the ongoing process of trying to behave in ways that align with our values whilst also managing how they might react to this - definitely can be challenging. 

It is unfortunate that sometimes, people will shun what they don't understand, or the things that make them uncomfortable. Living and speaking our truth despite this can be an incredibly brave thing to do - but it's okay if you're not there yet hun. Internalised shame can be so, so tricky, but it's good that you're able to recognise it and take that step back to really examine what is yours to carry, and what isn't. 

Hey @creative_writer how're you going? 

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@creative_writer wrote:
I’m doing this new thing of allowing myself to not feel guilty for feeling comfortable around selected people who are not my family. It feels so freeing.

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I really love this!! And I think the forums are the perfect place to 'stretch the muscle' of letting go, and allowing yourself some guilt-free authentic connection 😊

Do you find it easier to like, let your guard down in this space? 

@creative_writer love that, thoughts drifting away like a leaf on a river current. 

Yeah daylight savings is wild hey, like why make such changes to our schedules when our body clocks and natural rhythms adjust to seasonal changes so slowly? Ugh

I hope the acceptance you've found here can be something to help boost your courage when it comes to socialising in person. Knowing that there are people out there who would be accepting and open to all aspects of your wonderful self! 💜

@creative_writer sounds like a helpful approach, and at a pace that feels safe for you 😊

Definitely agree that it's about quality. Having 20 friends but having to mask all the time sounds a lot more lonely than having 1-3 good friends with whom you can be your authentic self. Glad you're not putting too much pressure on yourself to have oodles of relationships that end up draining your energy 💜

@creative_writer 

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@creative_writer wrote:
Will my MH struggles get better?

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If you believe they will, and believe in yourself and see that everything you need to heal already exists within you, then I think they will. Our minds are powerful tools, and when we have conviction and faith in ourselves and our capabilities, we can achieve anything we set our minds to. 

@creative_writer one step at a time is always good. It's like... if you imagine it as climbing a mountain, and all you're picturing is how many steps you need to take to get there, it can feel easier to give up. But if you picture yourself at the top of the mountain, it can help you push past the doubt and spur your feet forward to the next step. 

Hope you're able to drift off okay tonight hun 😊💜

@creative_writer glad to hear that your friend is someone who has that kind of respect and kindness. Hope the rest of the recording went okay 😉💜

One step at a time hey @creative_writer - have you thought about contacting Griefline at all? 💜

@creative_writer that's fair, picking up the phone can indeed be a difficult step. But if it's been on your mind, maybe it means part of you recognises that it could be a good step to take? 

I hear you, sitting with uncertainty is one of those difficult parts of life that is even more challenging when we don't necessarily know which direction we want to go. I think this is sometimes where things like Coaching can fit into the picture - someone with whom we can untangle our busy brains and figure out a path and the steps along it we may want to take. 

@creative_writer makes me feel like we ought to have a forums space that is dedicated to coping with grief, hey. It's definitely one of those universal experiences that does need a safe space for us to be able to talk through all those complex feelings. 

It is hard when our needs are complex, to find someone who fits that niche and with whom we can vibe. Keep looking hun, you'll get there 💜

@creative_writer I mean feel free to kick off a thread if it feels right for your needs right now. I imagine there's a lot of members who could benefit from it 💜

"My friend said the best people have complex ptsd" lol all my friends have complex trauma... I think they're also the most kind-hearted, gentle people I've encountered. This community is also testament to that fact I think 😉

I think the more we talk about it @creative_writer the more we normalise it. So by having the conversation at all - whether here or with your classmate - it's helping reduce the stigma, one little tiny bit at a time. It's a really brave thing to do - and it gets easier every time you do it, too. 

@creative_writer I don't think it's strange... I think the former it means it's easier to picture our own experiences, whereas the latter you know it's someone else, so there's that degree of separation. The latter still can create vicarious trauma but it's probably not as easy to get lost in our own. 

Hello @creative_writer 💛

What are you up to tonight? 

I am glad to hear that you have noticed less triggers, I can imagine that would feel really relieving. What do you think has been helping? 

I am so sorry to hear about your recent bereavement. Would you like to talk about it at all?

I know things are feeling somewhat triggering tonight, so I am wondering what could be helpful to focus on for grounding and soothing? 🫶

Hi @creative_writer I hope your walk and your grounding techniques have helped a bit this afternoon and maybe helped to calm those feelings of restlessness. I am hoping you found a patch of lovely sunshine to walk beneath.

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@creative_writer wrote:
 I do have limits and don’t think I could work with perpetrators

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@creative_writer it's good to know your limits!! Always good to play to our strengths and passions. 

How was the sunset? 

@creative_writer marshmallow kitty!! Love it!! 

Pretty chill day for me, got some vacuuming done, hung out with kitties, last lot of potato and leek soup for dinner. 

Animals really do make the days better hey 😊

@creative_writer haha even knowing that I give good head patties to my little Razz, he's still very much a scaredy cat. Hides a lot, hates being picked up, and will only let me give him scritches when he's in his little cat tree! Little scamp.

Haha for sure! Do you think you'd prefer to own a cat, a dog, or some other critter one day? 

Aye, talking about things often makes them all too real. It is also how we process the feelings - whether it's talking, writing, or otherwise externalising it, it's often the best way to make sense of our feelings, and give them space to be expressed, and no longer dwelling within us. It does need to be in a safe way though, which you're all too familiar with unfortunately hey... feeling judged or shut down when sharing is a good way to exacerbate the feelings instead of helping to resolve them. All things in their own time, eh? 

Hope your day has been kind to you 💜

@creative_writer what do you think your supports would say if they knew that you felt like 'an annoying patient'?

Grief and trauma can be unrelated but also can be very much related... I think anger and restlessness make sense in the wake of so much loss. 

Hope they're helpful appts hun 🤞💜

@creative_writer could be worth reflecting on how being treated that way might still be impacting you? If you're unconsciously worried about being 'annoying' or 'too complex', it might mean you're not able to be as open with those supports to whom those things may not even matter. 

Sounds rough but I'm glad to hear that you went for a walk - I think exercise is a fantastic way to regulate anger. 

Aye it's hard to process and do that deep work when there's so much going on, but you're doing amazingly hun. 

Hope you have a good rest tonight 💜

Oh dear @creative_writer . Hope you feel better soon. Must be nasty that you feel so nauseous.

 i like that analogy about your brain needing a software update. Makes a lot of sense to me. I hope sleeping helps with the update.

Have you ever had TMS or ECt before @creative_writer 

Yeah, makes sense. They'd probably recommend TMS before ECT anyway. @creative_writer 

I don't know much about either. I was recommended both in the past, but I never went through with it. 

Yet I know others who have had TMS and others who have had ECT. Seems to shake things around a bit - in a good way. To me, it seems like a bit of a restart. I don't know the specifics though

Sure sounds like a lot has been going on for you. Sounds like it can be sooooo exhausting! Well done on pushing through and doing what you can to stay well. 

As I said, I don't know much about TMS or ECT. It was just a fleeting thought 🙂

Do you have any plans for tomorrow?

My day's been okayish. Went for a night walk with the dog. The sun was lovely. It'll be lovely where I am for the next week, so I'm looking forward to it. I'm a bit bummed that daylight savings has ended. I like daylight savings. I get so much more done! @creative_writer 

I recently bought a waffle maker so I want to try all these savoury things. I'm thinking of making something like a hash brown using grated potato in the waffle maker. Maybe next weekend. 

Tomorrow I have a few meetings on. I have a training session on Type 1 Diabetes, then I have 3 meetings after that... @creative_writer 

So my day is full. Then I hope to take Ruby out if the sun is still out. Otherwise, I might have to take the kids to their swimming lesson, depending on if my sister needs my help.

Once the kids are back to school (tomorrow), all their extra curricular activities resume

Hey @creative_writer , 

Glad to see you. My first day back today after a break so I'm catching up on posts.

I haven't done any more with the waffle maker. I've barely had time to breathe! 

How are you managing?

@creative_writer the 'burdensome' thoughts can be tough to wrangle, especially in a society that has instilled values of individualism and 'coping alone is strength/leaning on people is weakness' into us. Learning to sit with that discomfort is difficult but the more we do it, the more we lean on others, the easier it gets. 

Hope you're well 💜

@creative_writer definitely a balance to be found, for sure. We can become very sensitive to it hey. 

I am going okay, been a bit warmer so I got out for a walk which was nice 😊

Working through attachment trauma can be incredibly challenging, for sure @creative_writer - and only so far we can get trying to work through it on our own. Relational issues are often healed through relationship. 

Yeah definitely the time to get some laundry done too haha 😋

Very true @creative_writer I think it depends on the attachment style of the other person and how they interplay. I think social anxiety would definitely be related to our attachment style, especially if abandonment trauma is also present. 

Hope you've had a chill day 😊

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@creative_writer wrote:
@tyme sometimes it can be hard to find time to make food. I’m making progress in therapy according to my psych. I’m still been going through the grief process. How has your day been 😊?

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Making food it not my strength. It's not my interest to be honest. I'm glad to hear your psych says you are making progress. I can see that. You have a lot of insight and understanding. I think the hard part is finding ways to stop rumination. But that's all part of the recovery work. 

Grief is certainly tough. Not easy at all. There's not timeline for it so you can't plan, "Oh, my grief will end in a week's time, then I can move on in life." It just doesn't work that way.

What have you been up from day to day these days? I haven't heard much about your days. Sorry for not asking and giving you space to talk about it (if you wanted to).

As for my week, it's been HECTIC!! But I feel really content and satisfied that I've accomplished things. So even if I lack sleep or I'm tired, I'm energised (if that makes sense).

What are you doing today? I'm going to go for a walk later. It's so sunny and nice out there today @creative_writer 

After being on the forums for so many years, I've gathered that rumination comes with OCD. I don't know the science or the specifics, but it's a noticing I've had across the board. @creative_writer 

As for walking, I have a park at the end of my court. It has a walking/bike track. So I walk with the dog and the kids ride their bikes. I go a few times then come home. 

I just want to take advantage of the sunshine today!

Hello @creative_writer 🥰

I know we haven't chatted for a little bit, so I was wondering how you are. 

Would love to hear what's been going on and if anything has been helping you to feel safe and soothed? 

Hiya @creative_writer 😊

Yeah that hyper-independence trauma response can be really difficult, because it's reinforced by the social norms of coping alone being seen as a sign of strength... but usually, it takes a lot more strength to be vulnerable with someone else. And often coping alone just results in a lot of emotions being repressed instead of processed. 

Yeah I think the preoccupied type tends to attract the avoidant type, and vice versa. It's called 'the dance' - that push pull of the avoidant stepping back and the preoccupied stepping forward to try to reach them, causing them to want to step even further back. Can definitely result in a lot of enmeshment. 

I've mainly been cooking, making an Irish Guinness stew and filling up the house with tasty smells! That plus watching oodles of Drag Race haha. What have you been up to over this weekend? 💜

Yes, my dog's name is Ruby. Actually, she was bought for my niece for her anxiety, but I look after it most. I ended up going for a short walk with Ruby. I wanted to capture the remaining sublight when I went. It was a lovely day.

And yes, I reckon thought processes have their place, but when it becomes rumination, it's hard to break the cycle of it @creative_writer 

Hope you are okay.

@creative_writer always harder to learn these things when we're older, hey. Good on you for taking those brave steps towards being able to be more open with people 💜

It did turn out very good, the guinness gives the stew a very rich flavour! 

Ach not the sickness, you poor thing!! Hope you're able to get some solid rest over the next few 🤞

@creative_writer very much so, on both needing balance, and on having shared interests. I tend to look for people that I can get lost in conversation with. 

For sure, bland food is always such a let down, especially if you cook in bulk!! Herbs are spices are everything. 

Oh that's so nerve-wracking! Could you prod them with a follow up if you haven't heard back by tomorrow or something?

@creative_writer there's all sorts of pressures from society on how we're 'supposed' to live our lives hey. The ability to untangle ourselves from those pressures can be tough, but oh so freeing. 

Ginger is also apparently good for nausea! Wonder-spice hehe. 

I'm glad your dietitian is supportive and not judgemental. The shame often compounds our struggles with unhealthy coping hey. 

Step by step eh? Hope you're chugging along okay tonight hun 💜

Hey @creative_writer 

Glad to hear that you are taking gentle care of yourself. I hope the shower was a helpful little reset and you have been able to get some study underway...

Forums community are here for you. 

Sending you all my best 💌

Tonight I've been crying and I don't know why it hurts so much. I have been on the edge and I don't know how I got here. I've just been trying to manage with self care, PRN and reaching out for support where needed. I feel so low, restless and the pain feels so heavy. The thoughts keep coming, having urges and a lot of trauma thoughts. I'm somatically experiencing trauma again. I'm safe

TW: SI

Hello lovely human,

Here with you. @creative_writer 

It sounds like you're experiencing some big feelings right now, but please know that you are not alone. 

I know how scary it can be to experience trauma in the body and I think cultivating some safety will help so much here. 

Can you tell me what might help you to feel even 1% more soothed right now? 

I would also like to remind you that Lifeline and Suicide Callback Service are there to support you if you are feeling unsafe. I suspect some co-regulation could be really helpful. What do you think? 💛

It really would be hard to manage multiple diagnoses... and given that it is hard, I think you're doing incredibly well.

I am curious to know if understanding more about trauma or bipolar has been empowering for you? @creative_writer 

Ah, yes! Your night time skin routine. What's in your routine tonight?

I am glad you said some prayers, I can imagine that would be really grounding for you. 

Proud of you for talking to someone, lovely. I know it can be tough, but you're following your safety plan really well tonight - let's take a moment to acknowledge that. 🫶

Good on you for looking after yourself as best you can when things are so difficult @creative_writer I hope you can get off to sleep okay. Don't hesitate to reach out to a crisis line if you need a bit of extra support tonight hun.

Sending snoozey vibes your way 💜

Oh nice how'd your appt go @creative_writer? 

Kudos on getting to the last bits of your assignment!! Always a good feeling hey 😊

Aye, the hormones do spin us about at times 😬

Hope your evening is going ok 💜

@creative_writer sounds like an intense, but good appt! Reminds me of this idea of like... 'cringing at your past self/actions just means you've grown as a person'. Sounds like you're finding more balanced ways to cope and to behave that is more in line with your values 😊

Glad to hear it. I'm going pretty well, snuggling up and listening to the rain 💜

@creative_writer control can be a big theme in trauma and recovery, for sure. I think it's about balance, i.e. being able to empower ourselves to be assertive and have agency, but not so much that we become overly controlling or unable to roll with/tolerate change and the forces that are outside of our control. 

Maybe the idea of 'being a good client' is something that's worth exploring in itself? 

Winter definitely setting in! Hope your class was a goodun 😉

Hey @creative_writer , good to see you. Well done on completing your assignment. I hope you can rest up tonight and we'll see you soon.

Thinking of you.

Hi @creative_writer I also wanted to congratulate you on completing your assignment and be good to yourself and celebrate that amazing accomplishment ❤️ and sometimes the anxiety around any sort of medical, mental health or any type of test actually can trigger stress or flashbacks, and you getting your work done despite everything is such a testament to your ability.

Hope you're okay @creative_writer 

Do you symptoms get worse in the winter months?

I hope it lightens up for you @creative_writer Must be hard to sit under a cloud of heaviness.

Not sick again? Do you think your MH weakens your immune system?

I'm going to have a warm warm shower later and get into bed. I'll read a book with my niece because she's coming over soon.

I ended up having a nice warm shower yesterday. Then I read LION with my niece. My niece likes realistic fiction, history, experiences of the holocaust... and she also enjoys the lighter graphic novels, I Survived (which is based on different historical events) @creative_writer 

It's true that when you have too much to do, you can get sick and when you don't have enough to do, you also get sick... just a fact of life, right?

Hope today is better for you. Do you do anything for mothers' day?

Gut health certainly impacts everything else @creative_writer . Hence they call it the 'second brain'.

I'm not up to much today. Just taking it easy. The kids want Starbucks but I'm umming and arghing...i don't think they know how to appreciate starbucks lol. It's like is the same as every other hot choc I get them. So I don't know. 

I might tell their dad to take them to a play centre and I'll meet them there in the evening or something, then take them out for starbucks. 

So really, not sure yet.

@creative_writer hope its ok to post in this thread - too hard currently to find old one.

I went to post this to you this morning and hit the 403 error outage :face_with_rolling_eyes:.

sorry I haven’t had a chance to read any posts, but I still wanted to just post to say “thinking of you” and “I care” even though I’ve been absent and unavailable. 🤗. You are not forgotten.

I hear you and I completely agree. @creative_writer  I am curious to know how it feels to look at yourself as a person first, having human reactions to overwhelming experiences and environments? My therapist sometimes takes diagnoses out of the conversation and focuses more on me, my body, and what I am needing to feel safe and regulated. I am curious to know if that approach could create some space for you to approach your thoughts and feelings in a different way too? 

You did an enzyme mask! That sounds really fancy. What does the mask do??

I am glad you were able to take your medication, this is definitely a win! Do you notice a difference in your mind and body when you are able to take them? 💛

Thank you for sharing this with me @creative_writer, these are really helpful reflections. I wonder what safety could look like when you're experiencing depression? What comes to my mind first is gentle activation. What about you? 💛

Ah, the exfoliating stuff always makes my skin better in 3-5 business days, but never right away! I think hyaluronic acid masks can be a good option to soothen? Or perhaps the aloe product you were telling me about?

They absolutely can be life saving and I am so glad they are helping you. 🫶

I am doing well, thank you for asking. Just finished a theatre project and hoping to pursue some more creative adventures again soon. ✨

Have you been writing?

Ah, this is great awareness to have @creative_writer. It sounds like a sensory toolkit for grounding goes a long way for you. 🥰

I was performing (singing and acting). But I do some directing too and I think my next project will be focused on that. ☺️

That's completely fair, it's hard to balance it all. How is uni feeling? 

I have my moments. 😜 @creative_writer 

Thank you.

I know you were thinking about some support around managing vulnerable content - have you been able to talk about that with your tutors at all?

Extensions are more than okay, especially if you're finding concentration hard and you want to take that extra time to sit with the work.

Have you still been chatting to your uni friend? I wonder if they could be a study-buddy? 🫶

Hiya @creative_writer 😊

I am so glad that you are in a much better place with medication, being able to accept that it's about getting to a point of stability that allows you to better work on your recovery journey. 

How often do you have psych appts? Have you been able to reflect more on the 'good client' concept? I wonder if it is related to the fact that you're also studying mental health, and as such you have some idea about what it's like to be in the therapist's seat? I could be way off the mark though!

I also saw your post from this morning about feeling like you do sometimes wait too long to start reaching out when you're struggling. I know that when we're super dysregulated, that step of actually making a phone call can be all too daunting. Have you had better luck with utilising text-based crisis services? 

I wonder if you could somehow remind yourself (like writing a little note and pinning it up somewhere easily seen for example) of the benefits of early intervention? 

Hope you're travelling along okay and getting some sunshine when you can 🌞💜

Considering how hard things can be sometimes, you are doing an amazing job with uni, your health, and everything else!

Are you still volunteering? @creative_writer 

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@creative_writer wrote:

I don't know if the is a ND thing, but sometimes it's not actually about the anxiety of reaching out but the difficulty in getting words out. Maybe it is a sign I've waited too long. I can reach out to a helpline but sometimes I struggle to communicate what I need because I no longer know what I need, my mind goes to a dark place. I've been finding that it's been full on since yesterday with SI (but safe). I do find text a bit easier and tend to do text over phone calls.

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@creative_writer Something someone mentioned to me recently has actually stuck in my brain that I will share, could be relevant - they said 'the more I avoid doing something, the harder it is to do it.' 

Phone calls are very much like that for me, the more I avoid or put off making and taking them, the more dread and procrastination becomes apparent. Though, it could be a non-verbal-as-a-result-of-distress type of thing too, when it comes to reaching out during a difficult or challenging time. Text-based communication gives more time to regulate in between responses. I reckon that so long as you feel your support needs can be met, whatever avenue you choose is the right one 😊

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@creative_writer wrote:
@tyme it is a lot, just taking it one step at a time. I haven’t been volunteering recently, they’ve been checking on me to see when I am thinking of going back. I haven’t taken shifts since the beginning of the year. I haven’t responded yet, I’ve been busy with uni but I’ve also had a spike in suicidal thoughts (I’m safe) recently and I don’t think it’s healthy for me to take shifts just yet.

How has your day been?

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If you don't take shifts for a while, do you have to redo the training?

I'm a bit headachy today, but not too bad.

What did you get up to today?

What is one thing you are grateful for today? @creative_writer 

Makes sense that you need to sort of retrain after 6 months. What does a 'placement' shift mean? You sit with someone else? @creative_writer 

I hope you feel better soon too.

And yes! Clean cool bedsheets are DA BEST!!!

hahah yes, I do. @creative_writer 😂

I am glad that the content hasn't been too triggering lately. I am sensing that sharing this with someone you trust and working out a way to navigate the content in a trauma-informed way would be really helpful. It's important that the school also learns how to teach this content safely too! But of course, this is up to you and what feels right for you. 🥰

It's great to know you have been reaching out and staying connected. I understand how hard verbal conversations can be. Do you ever webchat in these moments? 

Also, how was your weekend? ✨

Hey @creative_writer mixed  episodes can definitely be really scary. 

Would now be a good time to be reaching out, like we've been chatting about? 

@creative_writer glad you've been reaching out and have some support coming up. Do you think you will mention that you feel you're experiencing a mixed episode? 

@creative_writer hope uni was okay on so little sleep, plus surfing the brain fog! 

I'm surprised you had alarms going off without needing to be awake for anything haha I always take a sleep in whenever I can! 

Sounds like a tough gig @creative_writer .

Not sure I can work in a crisis service. I'm guessing you never know who will call. You take calls, right? Or are there other aspects of it?

You're brave in giving it a go. 

How have things been for you anyway? I've been headachy this week and I can't pinpoint why. Hope you're okay. I know you often say you have migraines.

Oh totally valid @creative_writer oversleeping can be as bad as undersleeping, can get all sorts of foggy. 

Looking forward to a break from uni?

@creative_writer not too bad, snuggling up against the cold. 

Glad that you have a bit of time to spare to be able to see your supports and sort some things out. Hope it helps you to feel a bit more settled 🤞

Got any plans to do something fun or something to treat yourself? 

@Jynx  it has certainly been cold. I slept through alarms today, I think I made it to 10 hours ish. PRN certainly didn’t help with the sleepiness but I thought it was better to take the PRN before I became intensely suicidal again. The intrusive memories were getting intense again.

I’m not sure what I will be doing. I could go to the city for an outing with my sister to the cat cafe. Though the cats only seem to be interested if you bribe them with food 🤣

@creative_writer hope you've been managing okay hun 🤞

Aww cat cafe sounds sublime!! Teehee yes kitties are very food-motivated. Reminds me of a meme actually! 😝