C-PTSD (TW)

Hey @LW45, no need to apologise for not being active within the community lately - it sounds like you have had a lot going on and have been spending time to get yourself the support you need which is great to hear!

You've had so much on your plate recently, with C-PTSD around the abuse you suffered. Having to live in the same place where this all took place and reliving memories can be so re-traumatising. You mentioned you had taken some time to get yourself some support, so I encourage you to also lean on those supports during this difficult time. You can also try and reach out to BlueKnot as they specialise in supporting people with complex trauma. And this link may be helpful with the flashbacks too: Coping with flashbacks - The SANE Blog ⬅️

Not being able to turn to family or friends during this time would add an extra layer of hurt for you, but know that you aren't alone in this. The community is here for you!

Hey @LW45 

There is no need to apologise for your silence. This space is always here for you whenever you are ready, and it is so understandable that you've needed to focus on your own wellbeing over the last few months 💚

What you've described sounds incredibly exhausting. To be constantly reliving those memories while living in the very environment where the trauma occurred is such a massive burden to carry. It makes complete sense that leaving the house feels impossible right now, as your mind and body are trying to keep you safe, even if that safety feels like a cage.

I know many people on here, including myself, can relate to that uphill battle regarding trauma-informed support. It can be so disheartening to seek help only to feel misunderstood or further drained by the whole process. Feeling isolated from family and friends on top of that adds to the weight of everything.

You mentioned feeling exhausted, and I wonder if there is anything small you've found that brings you even the slightest grounding or comfort? 💚

@LW45 

Hi, I’m so happy you reached out to us. I’ve been thinking of you and wondering how you’ve been doing. But please don’t feel any pressure to write here, take it at your own time and pace. I’ve had some time off recently as well.

I can definitely relate to that uphill feeling. It’s very exhausting when you start to realise how things have been and how it is now, to sit in that feeling. It can feel really tough at times, but please know you’re not alone. I wish I could tell you exactly when things will start to feel better, I’m still in the middle of the storm myself, but I can say that, very slowly, things do begin to ease. It’s usually not in big, obvious ways, but in quiet, small moments. Most days still feel like a giant uphill climb, but every now and then I have a better day. I think it’s all part of the learning process.

Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel exhausted, your body is going through so much. Your nervous system has been on high alert for a long time, and it needs time to adjust.

From my own experience in therapy, starting to unpack everything you’ve been through can often feel worse at first, before it begins to feel better and brings more clarity, and even then it's very exhausting but I am starting to believe it's all worth it in the end.. I wish you all the best, and I truly hope you start to feel a bit more at ease soon. I know it’s easier said than done, but please know we’re here for you.
Take care of yourself and remember you deserve love and kindness. 💛

Hi,

This really resonates with me.

I'm currently having to reside in a 'trigger home,' where my trigger person also lives.

I feel absolutely defeated and it's so draining.

Sending you virtual hugs,

~ MessyMind

@LW45 I can absolutely relate. living back where it happened is a special kind of hell, with a veneer of normal over the top. Dont let anyone minimise the impact of being financially forced to stay there, this stuff matters. what I will tell you is what I wish I had have done, which may or may not relate to you, but might be something to consider. for me after a certain amount of overwhealm or triggers the memories became harder to reach. I wish i had have taken more photos, written more about the environment and generally doccumented before I left. even things like st names and mud maps, to use for future validation, future reflection and generally for those days where you doubt it ever happned, or when it didnt feel real.

i also wish i had discovered how much the sensory aspect was impacting me so i could have prepped for the really bad days. things like getting a small inexpensive diffuser or low quality perfume so in an anxiety attack i could use those and not have to smell the smell of the town. towns have different smells aparantly. things like wearing long clothing if going to a particularly triggering place so you dont have to feel the texture of the chairs. my point is if you have any control over the sensory profile of this place, you may feel like you have more control in general, or it may help seperate what was vs now.

remember to check in with your body too so you can gain an awareness of if your starting to get any drealisation, depersonalisation or dissociation.