DV flashbacks

Hi @Sabby 

Are you safe to be driving? I don't drive, owing to similar presentation while driving. Lots of others have to turn in their licence too

@DogMan79 i am ok to drive. Definately had occasions during the DV that I was not safe to drive due to crying or extreme panic in escaping. This is more like intense sadness that quickly goes through racing thoughts until I pull myself back to a state of being ok. 

Hello @Sabby, 

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I can't even begin to imagine how painful this experience was for you. No one should have to go through feeling unsafe with their partner, and it makes so much sense that it's still impacting you emotionally - this is a lot for your body and mind to process. I am curious to know what supports you have right now and what might help you to feel safe tonight? 💛

Hi @Sabby 

I can definitely relate. I left a long-term abusive relationship ten years ago. 

I've developed strategies over the years that help keep me safe which I'll share below. If they don't sit with you that's ok; there are many resources out there.

Grounding techniques: I always carry a spiky fidget in my pocket which I squeeze in my hand during flashbacks. The slight discomfort brings my body out of the spiral and into the present. 

Safe sentences: I have a series of phrases I repeat in my head or out loud (depending on where I am) i.e. "I'm safe now" or "It's over now".

Journalling: I write in a "trigger" journal using guided questions like 'Where were you? Who was there? What was happening? How were you feeling physically and emotionally?' Over time I've been able to identify specific sights, smells, words and thoughts that trigger a flashback; it's helped to learn that they're not random and there are noticeable patterns.

Keep in mind: Flashbacks are physically and emotionally draining. Make sure you take the time to rest and show yourself some love i.e. hobbies, a comforting meal, laying down with low-light and low-noise. 

Regarding shame: It's completely natural to feel this way. If you've experienced gas-lighting and manipulation it takes time to sort through the lies you've been told and your truth. 

Please give yourself credit for the strength it's taken you to survive and leave the situation. The journey will not be easy by any means, but you are absolutely worth every step!

I hope this helps even a little bit.

Take care 🤍

Flashbacks are absolutely. I have had very graphic flashbacks.

Sending you hugs, CPTSD is incredibly difficult to cope with ❤️,

@Mortimer_3 thank you. Some helpful suggestions worth trying. 

The shame certainly seems to be the biggest weight to shift. Staying too long... and blaming myself for not leaving earlier adds to the spiral. I think the spikey fidget or something sensory could work for me.

Trigger warning: substance abuse

You're very welcome @Sabby

I can understand that feeling. When you find yourself out of the relationship and there's no one else to "take the blame" your thoughts naturally shift to what you could have done differently; I find it's not unlike the stages of grief. Allowing those thoughts to come is part of the process, the important part is how you work through and reframe those thoughts (which of course takes time).

An example from my experience would be 'yes I should have left sooner, but I was working with the resources I had at the time.'

(TW) I used disassociation and alcohol to cope which is part of why I stayed as long as I did. 

At the end of the day we did what we had to do in order to survive.

Sending you as much positivity as I can today 🤍