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Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

MXWorm Casual Contributor 28 Apr 2026, 10:48 pm AEST

Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

I have been living together with my partner last 10 years who is diagnosed with bipolar and psychotic disorders. He is currently on medication over last 10 years but very reluctantly ( ie skipping them most of the time). Reading through the stories shared over this forums ( thank you all is being invaluable ), his condition is not too severe ( probably level 4 on scale of 10 ). Has a fulltime job but not functioning too well. On a bad day, he can be sleeping wholeday and disengaged from most activities, hearing voices, talking to himself. I am seeing things getting slightly worse over last 6 months, ie the ëpisodes are happening more frequently (1-3 times a month but all non suicidal ). He is very reluctant with seeking help from psychiatrists or any therapy sessions.

I am very much would like to support him and be with him as we had been through a lot together.But at the same time I am a firm believer of not being an enabler in the long term as well. At this stage I am emotionally and mentally capable of supporting, but I do want to know when I should call it quit and handover the support to professional. I feel is important to know now before we as a carer became trapped and too deep into the situation

There are many resources here for different needs, will be grateful if someone can share experience or pointers. Where should I start ? Thank you and appreciate your stories and advice.

4 replies

In response to: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

MatchaToad Senior Contributor 29 Apr 2026, 2:19 pm AEST

Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

Hey @MXWorm

Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear how much you care for your partner, and your desire to support him while remaining wary of "enabling" shows a lot of emotional maturity 💚

Knowing when to "hand over to the professionals" is one of the hardest parts of being a carer.

You mentioned he is reluctant to take medication and avoids therapy. A common "trigger point" for many carers is when the partner stops being an active participant in their own recovery. If you find yourself working harder on his mental health than he is, that is often the first sign of an unsustainable dynamic.

It can be helpful to write down a list of "Red Lines" while you are currently feeling stable. These are events that, if they occur, mean the situation has moved beyond your capacity to help.

Examples often include:

Total refusal of medication for a set period.
Threats of physical harm or an increase in verbal abuse.
A decline in your own physical or mental health that prevents you from functioning at work or in your personal life.

You mentioned being a firm believer in not being an enabler. A good rule of thumb is: Support is helping someone do something they are currently unable to do for themselves. Enabling is doing something for them that they could and should be doing (like managing their own medication schedule or attending appointments). If your presence is allowing him to avoid the consequences of not managing his condition, it may be time to reassess the living situation.

Even if he isn't suicidal, having a crisis plan in place that dictates exactly which professional/hospital to call during an episode can take the weight off your shoulders.

You might consider having a calm conversation during a "good day" about what you need from him to stay in the relationship (e.g., "I need you to be honest with me when you skip your meds so we can address it together").

Since you are looking for pointers, look for resources specifically for "Carer Burnout." Knowing the clinical signs of burnout can help you recognize when you are getting "too deep."

Keep checking in with yourself. Your well-being is just as much of a priority as his. Wishing you strength and clarity 💚

In response to: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

mrmista Senior Contributor 29 Apr 2026, 2:32 pm AEST

Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

Hi there op.

Tbh, l don't really have any advice sorry but admire you wanting to persist with him , good for you.

l've dealt with BP but l won't go into that here sorry but as well as also with my ex and her depression and anxiety .

l'd be a bit concerned with it in you say it's been getting worse only because my ex also got worse and for me anyway, it just became just too hard to deal with, it became a day in day out thing with her though.

That's where the exhaustion really comes into it over the yrs but with your partner only on a roughly 1mth by the sounds cycle and it being BP, you might have the time between for recharging which would really help.

l'm not sure though because l know how complicated and specific ea situation is and l'm not sure what his like between his BP cycles.

As far as when to hand it over to a pro, it's a shame he won't see anyone atm bc really, he needs a pro guiding him and that expert to turn to at any time , helps him, helps you.

So hopefully he might change his mind about that along the way if you give him a nudge.

My ex was seeing someone right through and well, tbh, she'd say they didn't really in her case help that much but l'd always see a different in her myself after appointments and it was the same in the other situation l mentioned to with BP.

Btw , the Beyond Blue forum has a tone of stuff and people with BP or partners, so that could be well worth checking out too.

All the best

Mista

In response to: Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

MXWorm Casual Contributor 29 Apr 2026, 4:09 pm AEST

Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

Thank you for sharing the pointers, I like the idea of red lines list and differentiation of an enabler vs supporter. Sometimes when we are in it we need a third party to give an objective view, so thank you for that.

In response to: Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

MXWorm Casual Contributor 29 Apr 2026, 4:24 pm AEST

Re: Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

Hi Mista, thank you for sharing your experience as a partner of a person with BP. He said the same thing about therapists arent that helpful after seeing them few times. Reading through the forums most felt the same. I wonder is it because they were not fully committed in the first place and most therapists arent on the "same page" hence the reinforcing idea not workable. I do think he needs a regular therapists for emergency fallout but he needs to own it to make it work. I am pretty good at compartmentalize matters, I am not in worse state of mind yet. Thanks also pointing about resources from Beyond Blue.

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Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

Trigger point - knowing when to walk away from a relationship

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