Sudden friendship loss, cptsd severely triggered

I confided in someone I trusted that I did not feel good about what was happening in our small community. A friend of mine was being ousted and people were debating her character behind her back. I was not ok with this and made it known. I was criticised for being overly emotional and sticking my nose where it doesn't belong (i've known about what was going on for months, because i've been supporting the person they're talking about).

I told this friend (not the person being treated badly, different person) that I think this was handled really poorly, and that it would be nice to know I wasn't the only person who felt that way, or at the very least, that I wasn't crazy for thinking that.

I got an essay response basically laying all the resentments and baggage they had with me for aparently a while out on the table and I was so taken aback that I didn't respond until the next day. This is the first time they'd brought these things up, I had no idea they were problems, and when I took myself away and thought about, I struggled to believe they were real issues. 

They very much seemed like projections of this persons insecurities, and reflected their unwillingness to deal with other peoples' emotions and problems, rather than me actually doing something wrong.

I disagree with their assessment. My partner disagrees with their assessment. So I took some time to write a carefully worded and considerate response explaining where I was coming from and giving context they didn't have. I reassured them the malicious intent they were assuming was not there and that I'm feeling really hurt by their assumptions, and kitchen sinking stuff that had no relevance to the current wider conversation, which is what I was personally focused on. (I'm more concerned with my friends wellbeing, and making sure she's being treated fairly). 

They responded pretty quickly and completely ignored my concerns, pathologised my response, and accused me of making excuses and not taking accountability for my actions (what actions?). This is someone who also have cptsd and is otherwise neurodivergent and disabled. I was really shocked at their response. They told me that they're not surprised I'm hurt and upset because that's a normal reaction to being held accountable for bad behaviour.

That. Really hurt. Like, really hurt. My partner was doing damage control all night. I wasn't ok.

I haven't behaved badly. I really haven't. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. I don't actually think I've done anything wrong. No one else seems to think I have. This seems to be a them problem.

But no matter how much I keep telling myself that, I can't fully convince myself. I keep thinking everyone things I'm an asshole and that this is just what everyone is thinking, they were just the first person to say it to me. 

They said it's hard to talk to me about stuff cuz they're afraid of retaliation, and I questioned, what retaliation??? youve never come to me with anything like this. I've never yelled at you or snapped at you to my knowledge? Why would you be afraid of me like that i'm so confused.

I'm worried it's just because I express my emotions at all and am not able to always hide them when I'm distressed. If someone resents supporting me when I'm in distress, and they're not actually communicating that with me, sendinmg my mixed signals that I don't have to apologise for having a hard time? how the heck am I supposed to react to them turning on me like this???

They didn't even apologise. They just went 'sorry you feel that way'. And other complete non-apologies. 

They're framing conflict aversion as boundaries, even though no actual boundaries have been made. 

I'm really upset and feel like everyone thinks im overly emotional and toxic and ive literally done nothing wrong. f***in hell. why does this always happen.